Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
