hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
