Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
