He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
