I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
