Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
