What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
