if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
