Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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