My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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