we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
