I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
