if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
