Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
