can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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