its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
