apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
