If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
