I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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