Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
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Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
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Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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