I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My ass is underappreciated
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
