Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
