like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
