dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
