How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
