Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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