I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
