yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
