No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
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he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
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I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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