I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
