He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
