my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
