Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
