why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
