New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
