there's paper in my vomit.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
