This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
