so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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