Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
