Small penises have feelings too.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
