I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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