we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
