I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
