Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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