What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
