careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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