***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
There are leaves in my underwear?
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