My Higher Power is John Stamos
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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