Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
either way he was missing a nipple.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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