I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
