So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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