I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
