Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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