he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
