Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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