I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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