3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize