we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just threw up on my dentist
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
