i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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