$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
