he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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