Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
