Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
