I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
