Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize