Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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