your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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