mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
