Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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