i always forget guys have bellybuttons
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
