theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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