You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
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I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
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Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
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