We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
