we have officially lost it.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
