I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
