I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm passing your future prison.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
