I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
