Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
