1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
